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On intimate relationships

Dear friend,

Today is my husband, Luke's, birthday. So this week's post is in honor of him and of intimate partnership.

I believe the person (people) you choose to spend your life with is one of the most significant decisions you'll make. They have the most influence over us, we spend the most time in his/her orbit, we are up close and personal with the other person's strengths, weaknesses, family dynamics, past pains and dreams.

We can heal, grow and be inspired in relationship. Or we can wilt, disappear, project our own issues, and self-destruct within them.

I'm no believer that everyone should be married or in committed, traditional partnership. I don't think you need a partner to be whole or better or complete. And no relationship is perfect.

But, I do believe commitment can bring depth, unparalleled companionship, and meaning to our lives. Here are a few of our core precepts that have kept our relationship thriving for 23 years:

The beginning:)


Traditional models of partnership tell us to place the couple above all else. I couldn't disagree more. Luke and I thrive because we support each other as individuals. We are different people, and our individual strengths are what makes our relationship rich. Find ways to support each other's individual passions.



Always be growing. And it doesn't have to be together. I am obsessed with travel, literature, personal growth and health. And he loves business, extreme sports and investing. Our passions are different but our PASSION is the same. We draw inspiration from each other in this way.



I don't care what people say, if you ain't screwing, you're just friends. Women experience love by feeling seen, understood and connected, (as well as sex). Men feel love by getting laid (among other things). They think about sex, on average, 3x more than women. Do the work to right this, then get busy. Literally.



It's easy to get caught in horrible fighting patterns that are only exacerbated over time. See how quickly you can "get over it." Grudges are easy, forgiveness is where growth lies.



Remember what it was that brought you together. There was something pure and real in that spark. Do something that reignites it - talk about it, date each other, look at pictures. Feel those feelings again.

There you have it!

Here's to your love life,


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