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I do more yoga than you.

A poem today for some levity. Here's to your BALANCED sense of well-being....

Image by Vanessa Fiola, poem originally published on Elephant Journal and Recovering Yogi

I do more yoga than you.

Good morning, Dear Friend, Have you heard what I did? I woke up at four, jumped right out of bed! What’s that you say; you couldn’t get up? Lord Shiva and Shakti, you must feel like a schmuck! You see, I do more yoga than you.

Today I feel great, Three classes before eight! What about you? This past month just a few? How sorry, how sad. Bet you wish what I had. It’s just, I do more yoga than you.

Lululemon and Prana, I’m the fucking Pre-Madonna. My abs sure do look great, I can’t choose who to date. It’s so tough being me… And I do more yoga than you.

Paxil, Prozac and Zoloft, I accidentally took four days off. My shrink says distance from yoga, for me, may be healthy, But how else will I learn to be spiritually wealthy? See, I do more yoga than you (and him, combined).

I’m off centered, out of balance, and all out of whack, For the past twenty years I’ve used yoga as crack. In missing a class, I’ve fallen behind, To my inner-most goddess, I’m becoming so blind. At least I still do more yoga than you.

What’s that you say? You made it to a class? Excuse me for sounding incredibly crass: You phony, you fake, you raving-terrible bitch! The only reason you went was to be like me just a titch. I do more yoga than you. Oops, forgive me, my gosh! What’s gotten into me? What I meant was I’m so happy! I hope it sets you free! But please let me make myself incredibly clear: I do more yoga than you do, My Dear.

Brie Doyle is the author of the forthcoming book You Should Leave Now and the founder of She Glows Retreats, LLC. These days, she probably does not do more yoga than you. But she writes a lot, hosts retreats, and tries to keep up with her 3 kids.


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