I adore men and boys and have spent my life surrounded by brothers, male friendships, my dad, husband, classrooms full of boys, and incredible clients.
And even so, there are times when I misunderstand the way men and boys think and act.
It's easy as women to think that men and boys are just like us, only rowdier and stinkier. Biologically speaking, this couldn't be further from the truth.
Here are 3 mistakes we women make with men and boys in our lives...
1. Reading into their words
One of the most common confusions women have with men is communication. Women communicate in a nuanced way, often hinting at things and not really saying them.
We train ourselves to look for the meaning behind what someone says because dropping subtleties is how WE communicate.
Women also say things we don't mean to remain pleasing to others.
Men don't. Men speak literally and directly.
If he says he is tired, it doesn't mean he doesn't care about you and finds you boring. He's just freaking tired. Leave it there.
2. Believing a man can multi-task
One of our greatest skills as women is the ability to do a million things at once. We can knit a sweater, talk on the phone, watch the kids, and check our email at the same time.
Men and boys are single focused. There is a biological advantage to this. They put everything into one task at a time and go after their objective with laser sharp focus.
Next time you see a boy playing with toys, see how many times you have to say his name to get his attention. He's not ignoring you or misbehaving. He's so focused, he literally doesn't hear you.
And think twice before interrupting a man while he's working on something. He may stop to please you, but he'll grow more and more agitated with you overtime if pulling him out of his instinctual operation style becomes a habit.
3. Believing we don't need men
In the wake of the #GirlPower Movement, it's seductive to train ourselves to think that we don't need men for anything and can do everything ourselves. Many women were raised on the message that you don't need a man for a darn thing.
It's great to be strong and independent. But we can't be shocked when the men we have around us stay at arm's length when we perpetuate the belief that we don't need/want them in our lives.
Just like women, men want to be needed. Sure, you could do it on your own. But isn't it nice to have male help, companionship, friendship, humor, etc.?
I sure think so.
Let the men and boys in your life be heroes, and tell them you feel this way. Then watch as they continue to be a hero for you just because you said it was so.
Of course, relationships, intimate or otherwise are a two way street. Men need to understand how women think, operate and feel, too.
The more we learn to understand and love our differences, the more ease we'll find in our daily relationships. Here's to loving men and boys all around.
Want to dig deeper into understanding the influence of masculine and feminine energy in YOUR life and relationships? Are you presenting yourself more masculine than you want to be?
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Reconnect to your feminine fire
October 18-20, 2019